A Fly's Tragedy

      I’m propped up on my hind legs, slowly rubbing the ends of my front two legs together. My wings flap, excitedly, as I spot the window, which is opened ajar. I must have been buzzing around this room for hours, I think, seeing as the sky has now turned a heavy grey.

            I leaned my body forward, my wings preparing themselves, and then I zip right. Then left. Then forward. Then I spin in a circle. I zip down. Then up. Then down. Down. Down, until I land underneath the curve of the table.

            I quickly waddle over the edge and onto the flat surface. Almost immediately, my senses burn with such sweetness and such tartness that my eyes begin to water. My wings flap and I hover above the table, letting my nose guide me towards the scent. I drop down at the edge of the large pool of orange juice. I lift up on my hind legs and rub my front two legs together. My abdomen shudders.

            I dive headfirst into the liquid, burying myself. I close my eyes, the juice tasting lukewarm and rotten as it slides silkily down my gullet.

            Then my wings twitch.

            I open my eyes, annoyed, and look up. A red, crisscrossed rectangle is hovering above me. My eyes flash to the orange juice- then I zip forward. Then right. Then left. Then forward. Then I spin in a circle. I zip down. Then up. Then down. Then up. Up. Up, until I land on the refrigerator door. I cock my head to the right and then to the left. I do this a few more times.

            I see the human now. He has a large swatter in his hand. Behind him, I see the orange juice, and behind the orange juice I see the window. I want both.

            I lift off of the refrigerator door, and fly at a leisurely pace well above the human’s reach. All I know is that if I don’t acknowledge him, he won’t acknowledge me. However, I feel the human following me with his eyes, the swatter ready at his side. I tremble.

            I pass the orange juice, keeping my nose held high, but its nectar tantalizes me, and my mind becomes hazy. I loop around, suddenly, and down I go, spinning like a leaf to the ground.

            My wings extract, stopping my descent. I focus on the dark sky, knowing it’s where I must go. I zip to the right, and then to the left. Then forward. Then I spin in a circle. I zip down. Then up.

            I don’t know where I’m going. I’m zipping up and down, right and left, forward and backward… It’s like I’ve already been swatted. All of a sudden, I find myself on the tip of the human’s nose. My eyelids are drooped, and my smile dreamy. I lift up on hind legs, rubbing my front two legs together.

            Then the human jerks back. I shoot back and then up. I land upside-down on the ceiling. I’m facing the window now and watch the human open it even further. He rolls his eyes and walks away.

            Have I won?

            I fly forward, a cool, damp wind covering me. I zip forward into the abyss when I hear a loud, sharp crack. The world becomes an electrifying white, my wings stop, and the sky falls away from me. 

               THE END

Melted Cheese: it's for you to eat

Love, love, love

A friend told me in class, "I used to just put a piece of a cheese on a plate and put it in the microwave for ten seconds and eat it."

Another friend, on Facebook,  remarked that all she and her friend could see on the Salisbury menu was "cheese", which I corrected to "melted cheese."

That comment was liked and got me thinking about how much of a staple melted cheese is in someone's diet. There's melted cheese in grilled cheese, on cheeseburgers, pizza, nachos, French onion soup, and of course homemade macaroni & cheese.

Adding melted cheese to your meals is imperative as well. No one ever enjoyed FOS because of the bread and gratuitous amount of onions. They expect that thick layer of cheese melted on top, which some restaurants choose to be stingy on. I've had this happen, and the FOS was effectively ruined.

Of course, melted cheese isn't the healthiest aspect of one's diet, but you forget, because it's so damn good. It's like a cheese blackout and when you come to, it's like "what happened? Oh my, God."

And then you're like, "whatever, it was good."

Melted cheese is also an art.

Although, you can mess this up quite easily if you're not careful. Like not letting it melt enough, or melting it too much. This is serious. If you burn it, you have less cheese. You lose.

However, if you don't melt it enough, you just have a warm piece of cheese and that's gross. Ew.

Therefore you need to monitor that cheese like a child: checking on it every few seconds, examining its faculties to make sure nothing is wrong, and eventually removing it from the situation entirely.

Seriously.

Some excellent cheese suggestions, if you'd like to spicing up the experience, I would suggest a piece of bread, pesto, and melted white cheddar cheese. It's relatively healthy- if you use whole wheat.

Also, melted cheese sauce on broccoli. Replace pasta with broccoli and you have something a dietician might let you get away with. Us cheese lovers know where to cut corners when it counts. It's important to sustain our cheese-tastic lifestyles.

Melted cheese is the pinnacle of life. It makes a dish immeasurably better, especially if there's wine. It's going to be an amazing party.

"Jiminy cricket, he flew the coop!"

"Moonrise Kingdom" came out a while ago.

However, that doesn't stop it from being one of the best (if not the best) movie to come out in 2012.

For the first time, I watched the movie last night and I'm truly disappointed in myself that I didn't make the time to see it earlier.

"Our daughter's been abducted by one of these beige lunatics!"

Moonrise Kingdom is about a young boy and girl who run away and fall in love on the New England island of New Penzance. The parents of the girl, a Scout Master, and Police Captain all proceed to find the children (and in some cases forbid them from seeing one another again) during the film.

Edward Norton is great as the quirky Scout Master and Bruce Willis is sympathetic as the Police Captain who's having an affair with a married woman (who just happens to be the mother of the runaway girl). However, the two young actors who play the runaway couple: Sam and Suzy (Jared Gilman and Kara Haywardare, respectively)  are the real gems of Moonrise Kingdom. 

Gilman and Haywardare play their characters with a precociousness and naivety that reminds you of the simplicity of love. 

"We're in love. We just want to be together. What's wrong with that?" - Suzy (AWW) 

Sam and Suzy, in a lot of ways, have a better and more mature understanding of what they want out of life, which is a treat to watch. The adults on the other hand, well, they're just learning.

Check it out:

5 Reasons to love Tina Fey

Tina Fey is pretty amazing.

Courtesy of Vanity Fair

The reason why I'm doing this post now is because of her comments made at the Center for Reproductive Rights Inaugural Gala. Here's the video:

The video is pretty amazing, but so is she. "5 Reasons to love Tina Fey" isn't the most accurate title for how much I adore this woman. It should be "A million reasons and counting to love Tina Fey". Unfortunately, though, I don't have that kind of time. So I'll limit it to the best (IMO).

The top five!

5. 30 Rock

Fey has many great catchphrases from this show: "I want to go to there" and "Hipster nonsense. I'm out." However, I also appreciate as Creator of the show, she sets herself up with a lot of attractive Hollywood men, like Jon Hamm, James Franco, and Jason Sudeikis. However, the show is also smartly written, and Liz Lemon is a multifaceted character that time and time again I find I have a lot in common with. 

4. Amy Poehler 

Their friendship reminds me so much of my own friendships with my girlfriends. I only wish I had the opportunity to work with them on fun projects that paid us millions of dollars. So this may be more of a jealousy consideration than love. Nonetheless, they're a refreshing sight to see. Can't wait for this year's Golden Globe Awards when they host the show together. So. Excited.

3. Mean Girls

BEST. MOVIE. EVER. I don't think I need to say more. 

2. SNL

The Sarah Palin impersonation. Flawless. I don't think I can do it justice in words. So here is a video.

1. She speaks up for women. 

She isn't alone in this category, but she manages to be one of the most eloquent speakers on women's rights. Her  comments at the Reproductive Rights encapsulated how ridiculous these comments made by male politicians are. Why are men making decisions on how we govern our bodies? They're ours. Their comments belittle us and as she succinctly puts it: "I'm gonna lose my mind."

Rape is rape. There is no legitimate rape. There is no rape that could be thought of as God's plan. It's a terrible, violent act and by pretending otherwise is an insult to rape victims.

Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock, stop talking about rape. Your words are a verbal slap to women everywhere and Tina Fey, thank you for publicly telling them that.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Last night I went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

I'm a little late, it came out two weeks ago, but that didn't stop me from eagerly watching and re-watching the trailer until I did (I had to wait for a friend to finish midterms). The wait was, of course, worth it. The movie's fantastic.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is based on the book by the same name. It's about a boy, whose friend committed suicide the year before they both were supposed to have started their freshman year of high school. Charlie, the protagonist, begins high school alone, but soon after meets Sam and Patrick. Sam and Patrick are outsiders, or wallflowers, and the three of them begin hanging out and showing Patrick what life has to offer.

Logan Lerman, who plays Charlie, really surprised me in the film. It's a difficult part: there's a lot of subtly and nuanced acting needed in order to express what the character is feeling. Lerman did that, and he did that fantastically.

Courtesy of Vanity Fair: Watson, Miller, Lerman

Emma Watson and Ezra Miller were just as fantastic too. Even though Watson's accent came through a few times, it wasn't annoying. One hardly noticed within the bigger picture (ignore the pun). However, it was Miller who really stole the show. I won't be the first one to say this, it has been noted by other reviewers that Miller played Patrick to perfection.

I don't want to give anything more away, because everything in this movie counts. I recommend seeing it. I really do.

If it isn't for the terrific casting, it's for the storyline and the nostalgia it brings for high school. I felt my chest tightening remembering how excited I was to end high school and begin university. Then there's The Rocky Horror Picture Show film participation scenes- they're amazing.  And if none of this excites you, go for the music. The Smiths are prominent in the film and it's absolutely amazing. I love, love, love The Smiths and you should too.

Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares

CreComm nightmares are common for many students' in this program. My nightmares are usually the result of an innate fear of auto-failing on assignments.

^ Need this 

These nightmares normally leave me with residual feelings of anxiety for the next few hours after I wake up, and then finally, finally, I've able to convince myself that it was, in fact, a dream.

Why I'm writing about this now, is because the one I had this past weekend took the proverbial cake in terms of horrifying pseudo reality. There was no level of Inception here- I was fully immersed in this one.

The premise of this dream had to do with a PR assignment: the Pitch Email. First of all, in my dream, I hadn't even started the assignment. Second of all, the assignment was due in less than an hour. As you can see, I was already screwed over.

The dream began with myself and Larissa, a fellow CreComm, walking up a grand staircase in Red River (makes sense) trying to find a computer lab, when I dropped my iPhone down four flights of stairs. It smashes at the bottom, of course.

However, I ignore it, which should have been my first clue it was a dream. A girl on the ground floor looks up at us, and I smile back as if my iPhone hadn't almost hit her on the head and given her a concussion.

Finally we make it to a computer lab. All the computers are taken (of course) except the one at the end, which obviously doesn't work for me. So I open my own laptop, which refuses to type out proper sentences. My pitch ends up looking like I had a two-year old type it out for me, and all the while, while this debauchery is playing out, the time is ticking away. There's only ten minutes left until class starts and I've neither finished my assignment nor woken up.

Larissa becomes exasperated with me, and I'm freaking out wondering whether I should handwrite it or not. Of course I never get around to doing it. That would have made too much sense, but what even made less sense, was thinking my PR teacher wouldn't notice me not handing it in. Hah. Hah. Hah.

Auto-fails never go unnoticed.

Eventually I woke up. However, not without feeling that I've somehow ended my CreComm career before the first semester has even ended. Even now, a few days later, I'm still reeling from this dream. You don't even want to know the nightmare I had before my Radio Style Analysis was due... Or possibly the nightmare I'm going to have in the nights leading up to the Personality Profile. It's never ending.

So the next time you see me, please wish me sweet dreams or, at least, give me some valium.

HP at the DP

I'm super excited, but I'm also about to divulge how much of a nerd I am, which leaves me anxious as well. I have a lot of silly quirks: my obsession with cats, my addiction to cupcakes... but this might take the proverbial cake...

All right... Here it goes... I'm hosting a Harry Potter themed dinner party- and it's going to be amazing. In actuality, however, this shouldn't come as much of a surprise to people. You already know how much I love fancy dress parties, and this is just an extension of that.

Yet, planning the logistics of this party took more research than I had originally anticipated. First of all, most Harry Potter related foods are candies, desserts, and chocolates. So basically you can't be dieting.

And while gorging on sweets is all well and fun, there should be some substance, and yes I came to this conclusion on my own.

Toad in the Hole

So during one of my Google searches I came across a recipe called the Toad in the Hole. Funnily enough, besides the popular pub in Osborne, I had no idea it had any real significance with British culture. God, how ignorant was I? Anyway, the Toad in the Hole is basically sausages in batter, which I can guarantee you is fattening beyond belief.

Therefore it must taste amazing.

The guests for the evening are bringing the rest of the food. We're having curry (which is really popular in the UK), and for dessert a treacle tart, which is apparently Harry's favourite dessert as well (something that I wasn't aware of).

 Now onto preparations! Accio decorations!

Obviously I don't live on a secret island inside a massive castle full of chambers and secrets. It's disappointing, I know. Unfortunately I live in the suburbs, with my parents who would prefer I don't redecorate our home to look like something from the 1600s.

Easy right?

Since it's dinner though, I think a mass of candles would work around the dining area. Do you think I will have any luck in finding floating candles?

No. Probably not.

Not to mention it's a fire hazard, but I'll probably attempt it anyway. It's the pyromanic in me.

However, I could also just get my cat to stick around as decoration for a bit. I'll pay him in tuna, don't worry.

It's going to be a good night though, regardless of floating candles or hanging sheets to resemble ghosts. We'll have wine and butterbeer, well actual beer because the recipe for butterbeer sounds vomit-inducing and that's what real alcohol is for!

However, I really feel it would add to the ambience if Rupert Grint made an appearance. NBD right?

Although, I'd settle for Snape too.